Premier League Preview

89.4% of people say the Premier League is boring. Folks, I have an admission. If I were to base that statement purely on Sunday’s fixtures, I would 100% agree. And yes, I did make that statistic up. It’s time for some Terrible Tips.

I mean, what is there actually to look forward to this weekend? City will continue to party. West Bromwich Albion and Stoke will be sad as their survival fight is over and even the most hardened and positive thinking of Swansea City fans have to accept they won’t be staying up now.

Tottenham didn’t Spurs it up after all and will be in the Champions League next season so the only real bit of, er, drama is on that last qualification spot – Liverpool or Chelsea?

I suppose I still need to go through all this match-by-match? Dammit.

Burnley vs AFC Bournemouth

Two of the better young English managers can shake hands, pat each other on the bag and reflect on what has been excellent seasons for both clubs. Burnley head off into Europe next season (get some cash on them to be in the relegation zone by Christmas) and Bournemouth know they can match anyone on their day, it’s just a case of knowing which day.

Burnley 2 – 2 AFC Bournemouth

Crystal Palace vs West Bromwich Albion

There was a time when this looked like it could have been an end-of-season match between two relegated sides or even a match where survival was possible for either. Sadly for West Brom, Darren Moore’s incredible impact was given an airing a couple of games too late to save them and they went down after Southampton bored us to tears winning at Swansea City. As for Palace, wow. Roy Hodsgon is manager of the year in my eyes. What a redemption. From that Iceland farce to saving his hometown club and making them very watchable. Plus, look at what he has done for Zaha. Legend.

Crystal Palace 1 – 1 West Bromwich Albion

Huddersfield Town vs Arsenal

Another round of applause goes to David Wagner and Huddersfield Town. Let’s be honest, they are not very good but they try very hard and are very, very keen to do well. Staying up is an incredible achievement, but it will be harder next season. Could Arsene Wenger actually win an away match in the Premier League this season and waves us off in style? Probably not, sadly.

Huddersfield 1 – 0 Arsenal

Liverpool vs Brighton & Hove Albion

So here we are. The Champions League Finalists somehow find them in a position where they could fail to qualify for next season’s competition. That said, I cannot see that happening at all. Brighton have done what they needed to do, Liverpool have it all to do and if they can make Anfield feel like a European night then they won’t have any issues sealing that final spot.

Liverpool 4 – 0 Brighton & Hove Albion

Manchester United vs Watford

Gah, does anybody really care? United will have the FA Cup Final XI wrapped up in bubble wrap. Watford care less than I do. Pick a score, none of us will be correct.

Manchester United 0 – 0 Watford

Newcastle United vs Chelsea

This is the only other match that has anything of interest going on. Chelsea have to win, it is simple. Then they have to hope Brighton can do them a favour. Chelsea are in great form, the kind of form that means they will do their bit but as we said up there (look up, go on), Brighton won’t be able to do what is needed. And this will be the end of Antonio Conte’s time as a Premier League manager!

Newcastle United 1 – 3 Chelsea

Southampton vs Manchester City

Party time at St Mary’s but it comes with an important caveat. This does not make Mark Hughes a good manager. Not even a little bit. If Southampton retain him, they will find themselves in the same position next season. And, City will stuff them on Sunday. So there. But, if they start to stuff them by too many keep an eye on Swansea. It won’t happen but you never know…

Southampton 0 – 3 Manchester City

Tottenham Hotspur vs Leicester City

Spurs have achieved their aims, Leicester didn’t help themselves achieve theirs by beating Arsenal. Their aim? To get Claude sacked.

Tottenham Hotspur 1 – 1 Leicester City

Swansea City vs Stoke City

Swansea, you need to score more goals in this game than you have done since Christmas. Good luck with that. Paul Lambert, you are an honourable man and you tried your best but it’s over.

Swansea City 2 – 0 Stoke City

West Ham United vs Everton

Call be cynical, but I’d love this to be the day we wave goodbye to David Moyes, Sam Allardyce and Wayne Rooney.

But maybe that’s just me and I am jaded after a long season.

Don’t bet on any of that junk.